So i'm trying out this new blogging feature on my cell phone to see how handy it is. If all goes well, maybe I'll use it a lot. Too bad you're

Jayheart is dead.

He bled out slowly over time and met a swift end with the click of a mouse at the control panel. I miss him, I miss my friends, but I miss my life more. Time is different, measured differently, perceived differently. I used to daydream of raising chocobo's, trick attacks, rangers using guns, shiny paladins, and a BRD in every party.

Now I dream of a family, a Son, a happy wife, a clean house and a clean garage. I'm excited about my Son. I'm saddened by the life I've given up. I hate how selfish I've been. How I've neglected my life and my wife. I've lived in a hole, in a tube, in the world of Van' Deiliai.

An Ode to Jay, how stupid am I? It's true that a piece of you exist elsewhere. That your mind projects into the character. You become what consumes your thoughts. And my thoughts were consumed by Jayheart. He still exist in my mind, he still exists in my thoughts, but I breathe life into other thoughts now. You have to or else you suffocate.

I'm sure others feel the same way that I've felt. I'm sure others have walked the same path and wonder how they could ever make their life change. It's sad to see all of my friends quitting. I find myself looking for the next game we'll play together. The friends I had, I miss and wish there was still a forum to share the laughs with (there is).

But I think of the words that changed my mind. A poem I wrote my wife, ending with the words "I wonder when she'll say, 'I'm glad you don't play any more'". Although I don't think I've heard all of those exact words in that sentence structure, I know she's thought it, I know she's laughed more, I know she's appreciated me more, and she can depend on me more.

I go back and forth between enjoying the new changes in my life. I work out more, I eat better, I drink less, I spend more time with my family, I spend more time with friends. I still yearn to log in, succeed, win, get that item I've dreampt of for years, kill the bad guys, laugh with the friends, and overall, adventure.

But life calls and I need to learn to make my own adventures, my own risks, and successes in my own life. I will draw on Van' Daileilee or however you spell it, and grow. If I can be as happy in the real world, as the happiness I perceived in the online realm, my family and I will both be truly blessed.

I started leveling COR more seriously now. It has a lot to do with the amount of free time I have. Since the wife is pregnant, I really can't plan on playing much after the baby arrives (which I am super pumped about btw). So since I have 9 months (more like 8 now) I thought I would try to cram a job as close to 75 as I could get it before my quarter is up.

So I'm on COR, I decided to go to Kazham at level 24. Kazham is often called the new dunes, as in Valkrum dunes. Having leveled many many jobs through both areas, I have to say Kazam is by far the worst. To go there t 24 as a COR is just plain arrogant. Arrogant because it says, I'm a Highly desired job, and you will invite me even though I'm too low a level for this place. This is in fact true, people did invite me, I am partying, and I will be 25 very soon. Sadly enough, you can't do this with just about any job. NIN, WHM, BRD, COR. Those are about the only 4 you can get away with this. What's sad, is that I know enough about the game to employ this arrogance. Or what's even sadder, I can actually call myself arrogant over a stupid game.

Well speeking of stupid, did I mention that Kazam is the new dunes? Our puller just ran straight by a Goblin on his way back. I wonder what he was thinking . . . Ohh what pretty armor that funny looking man is wearing. Now he's dead, the party zoned for the 15th time tonight, and I'm wating for sickness to wear off. I wish I had the exp tracking plug-in to see how much this exp sucks. I should only cast COR roll just to upp the exp.

I love the fact that I can just bitch and rail on the people I'm playing with. I'm so fed up with this party, I'm almost inclined to just go out to Labrynth of Onzonzo and wait for LoO to spawn with the rest of the LS.

I chose to start lvling COR because I already have most of the gear and equipment, and it seemed cool. I need fast invites (although not with idiots like I'm with tonight) and I was thinking I could help the LS in HNM fights out more. I'm really wondering from the looks of things, if COR would really be a help ot the LS. I'm not sure how I'd get applied. Usually I'm Treasure Hunter Whore, unable to even attack the HNM. Maybe with COR I could help out. But then no Treasure . . . Maybe I'll be Two-Hour whore with Wild card. Or maybe they'll just say, screw COR, bring your THF/BST and play crowd control.

I have to say, THF/BST is by far the most fun I've had in this game. Charm, mischarm. Oh, so you didn't like the fact that I shot a pink heart out of my chest at you? Ok, well try to hit me. Whiff, whiff, whiff. Another Pink heart to the face, and you're mine.

Oh back to the crappy party, the BLM doesn't have any body armor. Apparently, they sold it so they could buy a spell. How absurd it that? Absolutely unnaceptable. But I didn't have the heart to be a pain in the ass COR and demand they boot his crappy ass. Maybe I'm just jaded and bitter from lvling THF. Maybe I should listen to my bitter self and realize I'd have more fun doing other things. NEVER! lol

DING COR25 - I guess I'm not arrogant any more

I spent some time last night at a friends house playing Oblivion. Now there is a time sink. But it's a fun time sink. At least in that game you can pause, set the time to fast forward ahead. Playing FFXI is like watching TV without TIVO. TV without TIVO sucks. I've considered playing Oblivion once the baby gets here to stay active on a video game but have time for real life. All I know is, I'll have to do something. My Dog is just sitting here staring at me telling me what a looser I am. I think I'll go eat some Cherry Garcia and watch a movie with the preggers wife. Man I'm so conflicted.

So I've been playing FFXI for over two years now - yeah it's become a way of life. It's effected me, my work, my friends, and my relationships. What can I say, the disclaimer exist for a reason . . . to tell you exactly what you'll miss out on.

Well the purpose of this blog isn't to bitch about what's wrong in life. It's to celebrate Jayheart, my character on FFXI. Yes I've spent a lot of time on him (well her if you assume a Mithra), and my life has been effected, but I'd like to at least spend some time detailing how I actually do enjoy my hobby.

You'll find I blab about lots of things, some relevant, many irrelevant. Basically, the game stirrs my imagination, I enjoy it, it consumes my time and distracts my "overproductive" (aka self distructive) mind. On any given day, you'll find me daydreaming about FFXI, which can be good and bad. So here goes . . .

Today I'm in Bhalful Thickets with a group of Beastmasters I've come to know a little bit. I've been in their linkshell for probably 4 months now as I'm llving my BST but never really talked to them much. We're all 71-72 and proud of it. The camp is highly coveted but can only support one BST. Today, there are three of us. Fortunatly, BST support eachother, so instead of bickering over the camp as has happened before (Tetsou?), we banded together and are now fighting Marids. So instead, we're making a good 4k an hour experience points.

Thanks Aelya, Kerby, and Hitboy. Hit got to skill up his Gaxe in prep for Maat. Aelya and Kerby just rock. I never though we could kill Marids, but we can! Nice to know. We even took out a Grand Marid, but no hair drop.

I think DBZ (My Linkshell) was supposed to have an event tonight to do some Promvyion Runs, but I haven't yet seen the people assemble for the missions. I've just been leveling Beastmaster out of boredom. Well that and apparently, now I need 200 more Imperial Standing Points (ISP). I was stupid and lost an entire stack of bronze coins by trading them out of order. Now I'm out money and ISP and no turban to show for it. I planned and planned, but still screwed it up. Oh well, I'll just have to wait a little longer.

So the Astral Cancadence is gone from Al'Zabai and nobody wants to retrieve it, and nobody wants to exp in ToA zones. I think that's completely assanine. People who play this game are idiots some times. All selfish. I had people quit a party yesterday because they though we would only make 2k exp an hour with the setup. They were still looking for a party while we were getting exp. Dumb asses.

So this party just got a little better. We picked up a 4th BST and things are flying now. Beidou, welcome my Beastmaster Friend. I bet you have no idea I'm writing this right now.